In today’s installment of Small‑Town Justice Theatre, a blindfolded #StructuredSettlement stands on the courthouse metaphorical gallows, having been ping‑ponged, poached, carved up, and passed around like yesterday’s diner‑special breakfast.
After the usual ritual of confusion, misdirection, and “don’t‑ask‑too-many‑questions” paperwork, our doomed annuity is finally handed off to an unlicensed #structuredsettlements factoring company — the kind that shows up to court with a discount rate sharp enough to shave bark off a palm tree and a business model that depends on making a killing.
And yes, that’s what I call capital punishment.
Because in Sumter County, the sentence is always the same:
- No counsel
- No comprehension
- No chance
- Just #lastrites, a judicial nod, and the ceremonial firing squad of predatory math.
#firingsquad #structuredsettlementcashnow #gallowshumor #parody #verypunny
Hi my name is Sammy Structure. My Payee is a resident of New York. How the heck did I get into this mess? One minute I’m watching Aaron Judge and the next minute I’m being misjudged, in frickin’ Florida? Time for a smoke